New Me

So, I am usually not one to post personal stuff. For me it is all about my kids because they are my life right now. In this instance, I am going to cross my line. I am so happy. Actually, happy isn't the word for it is is pure unadulterated JOY!!! I can honestly say that I have never felt this way before in my life. I am not sure how many of you know this but about four years ago I started taking an anti depressant. I have been ashamed of the fact that I needed it and haven't really shared a lot about it with anyone. Last week we went to Wichita Falls for Christmas. We left Friday after Kirk came home from work. I was so excited we got to stay all the way through Christmas. Kirk was supposed to work Christmas Eve but for once his boss was generous and said don't bother driving back from WF to work on Monday. About the time we drove through Decatur, I realized I had forgotten the medicine bag I had so carefully packed with my prescription and all the "just in case" meds for our kids. Kirk said "we better go back and get it" I said "are you crazy...we have four kids in the car?" So we didn't go back. I don't know how much you know about anti-depressants but you have to take them everyday and you aren't supposed to just stop taking them cold turkey. So, I am not great about remembering everyday but I am pretty regular with it. Anyway, so this doesn't turn into an epic blog I will cut to the chase. I have tried several times to wean myself from this drug and it never works. I even tried running so I could maybe quit taking it. Today makes 8 days for me without it and I feel like could burst with JOY. I don't know if anti-depressants suppress other things in your life but I feel like I am alive for the first time in a long time. Recently, I was talking with a friend about the side effects of this drug and we both wondered how it could be helpful when it makes it hard to sleep, you lack a sex drive, you gain weight and basically live in a haze of muted feelings. Let's just say none of those have been a problem this week. Kirk is usually the first to notice if i haven't been taking my medicine and this week he is like" don't ever take it again."

For the first time, in a really long time the music and sermon in church touched me. The sermon was on the prodigal son but he talked a lot about the elder son who didn't run away. He said we need to stay in touch with God on a daily basis so we don't feel disconnected. He also said many Christians he meets say they love God and are happy in life and he wants to say"could you tell that to your face" because they look so sad and downtrodden. Anyway, I am not sure where all this will take me but I wanted to share it with my family and friends. Pray for me please to keep this JOY and to use it for God.